I'm just starting to realize how much more goes into happiness than we are aware of. How do we choose our intentions? What intentions will make us happy? What if an intention isn't enough?
I think that Gretchen must have been on a track with her list of resolutions, but perhaps only because she had so much more of her life figured out than I do. She knew her intentions when she started. She knew what her resolutions would be because she knew when her intentions wouldn't be enough.
I can set the best intentions in the world, and neglect to honor them. I can set the best intentions in the world, and realize that I don't care if I honor them or not.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Happiness Now
Sigh. Back to reality. I've been off the face of the earth for several days now. Not just away from here, but... away from, well, everything. My head's just been somewhere else. I've been happy.
Part of me, a very large part, was rebelling against returning to the reality of cleaning, cooking properly (instead of just microwaving gyoza), getting a normal amount of sleep, doing the work I'm supposed to be doing. I'd rather sit in my little dream bubble, check out of this world and head off to another at the first chance I get. I don't know how many of you can understand this. Maybe I seem crazy. The past week has been like an extended daydream.
Really, I was rebelling against the word should. A little voice in my head, a small voice which was easy to ignore, was telling me that I was destroying everything I've worked for in the past month. But I didn't care. I was tired of doing what I should be doing. If the happiness project is about happiness, and if I'm infinitely happier sitting at home, alone, reading all day, then shouldn't I be doing that instead of forcing myself to go out, forcing myself to work, to clean, to interact? How much of this happiness project is about actual happiness, and how much of it is forcing myself to be the person the world expects me to be?
I was angry.
But, I woke up this morning and I knew the dream bubble was popped. No matter how much I wanted to stay safely inside it, I had to get out. The longer I stayed, the closer I would come to destroying everything in my life. A dream bubble isn't self-sustaining. Eventually, I would have to go out, even if it were just for a breather. But once I did, I would be crushed by the enormity of how everything's changed. It's the difference between happiness now and happiness down the road. Happiness now is the bubble. Happiness later is a career, friends, a clean home, being well-nourished... If I didn't know that I had all those things now, even if I didn't want to deal with them, I wouldn't survive in my bubble. If I stay in my bubble too long, they will disappear, and I won't be happy anymore.
True Happiness, I realized, is about finding the balance between present happiness and future happiness. Without a balance, we're always going to be unhappy--if we're only thinking about the present, we're going to find our options getting smaller and smaller as we cut off future paths for ourselves. But, if we only think about the future, we will constantly be putting off our needs for something intangible. After all, we never actually reach the future-- we always stay in the present.
Part of me, a very large part, was rebelling against returning to the reality of cleaning, cooking properly (instead of just microwaving gyoza), getting a normal amount of sleep, doing the work I'm supposed to be doing. I'd rather sit in my little dream bubble, check out of this world and head off to another at the first chance I get. I don't know how many of you can understand this. Maybe I seem crazy. The past week has been like an extended daydream.
Really, I was rebelling against the word should. A little voice in my head, a small voice which was easy to ignore, was telling me that I was destroying everything I've worked for in the past month. But I didn't care. I was tired of doing what I should be doing. If the happiness project is about happiness, and if I'm infinitely happier sitting at home, alone, reading all day, then shouldn't I be doing that instead of forcing myself to go out, forcing myself to work, to clean, to interact? How much of this happiness project is about actual happiness, and how much of it is forcing myself to be the person the world expects me to be?
I was angry.
But, I woke up this morning and I knew the dream bubble was popped. No matter how much I wanted to stay safely inside it, I had to get out. The longer I stayed, the closer I would come to destroying everything in my life. A dream bubble isn't self-sustaining. Eventually, I would have to go out, even if it were just for a breather. But once I did, I would be crushed by the enormity of how everything's changed. It's the difference between happiness now and happiness down the road. Happiness now is the bubble. Happiness later is a career, friends, a clean home, being well-nourished... If I didn't know that I had all those things now, even if I didn't want to deal with them, I wouldn't survive in my bubble. If I stay in my bubble too long, they will disappear, and I won't be happy anymore.
True Happiness, I realized, is about finding the balance between present happiness and future happiness. Without a balance, we're always going to be unhappy--if we're only thinking about the present, we're going to find our options getting smaller and smaller as we cut off future paths for ourselves. But, if we only think about the future, we will constantly be putting off our needs for something intangible. After all, we never actually reach the future-- we always stay in the present.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Team Edward
I can't write for long. I have a date.
With Edward.
I learned something very important this week: Humor yourself. But, I think it's more than that-- you have to be able to laugh at yourself, love yourself, and then humor yourself and support yourself in all your stupid, quirky, little passions that keep life interesting. In my case, I'm trying very hard not to judge myself, because I just started reading Twilight.
Actually, I started reading Twilight yesterday. Today I'm reading New Moon. That's how bad it's gotten. :) Don't worry, I'm not going to start wearing Team Edward or Team Jacob t-shirts (Team Edward), or waiting outside movie theatres for days. But, forgive me if I make a detour on my trip home to stop at Borders and pick up the next installment.
I think we all have things that we love that aren't particularly flattering. Maybe you're a football player who actually likes the ballet classes you're forced to take. Maybe you're a physicist who doesn't actually like science fiction. I happen to be an English Major at an Ivy League university who's in love with so-called trashy plebeian literature (don't get me started. I took all the courses, I will tell you why they're not trashy or plebeian). If I have to tell the truth, my two favorite authors are Sophie Kinsella and J.K. Rowling. Try telling that to your Poetry and Poetics class.
And so I advocate-- let's humor ourselves. We don't have to jump out of the closet just yet, (although I seem to be outing myself online) but the very least we can do is stop feeling guilty about what we truly love. If we're worried about what everyone else will think, at least we can not think bad things ourselves. Go take that ballet class. I bet they have a night courses after football practice.
With Edward.
I learned something very important this week: Humor yourself. But, I think it's more than that-- you have to be able to laugh at yourself, love yourself, and then humor yourself and support yourself in all your stupid, quirky, little passions that keep life interesting. In my case, I'm trying very hard not to judge myself, because I just started reading Twilight.
Actually, I started reading Twilight yesterday. Today I'm reading New Moon. That's how bad it's gotten. :) Don't worry, I'm not going to start wearing Team Edward or Team Jacob t-shirts (Team Edward), or waiting outside movie theatres for days. But, forgive me if I make a detour on my trip home to stop at Borders and pick up the next installment.
I think we all have things that we love that aren't particularly flattering. Maybe you're a football player who actually likes the ballet classes you're forced to take. Maybe you're a physicist who doesn't actually like science fiction. I happen to be an English Major at an Ivy League university who's in love with so-called trashy plebeian literature (don't get me started. I took all the courses, I will tell you why they're not trashy or plebeian). If I have to tell the truth, my two favorite authors are Sophie Kinsella and J.K. Rowling. Try telling that to your Poetry and Poetics class.
And so I advocate-- let's humor ourselves. We don't have to jump out of the closet just yet, (although I seem to be outing myself online) but the very least we can do is stop feeling guilty about what we truly love. If we're worried about what everyone else will think, at least we can not think bad things ourselves. Go take that ballet class. I bet they have a night courses after football practice.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Mini-Pigs
Sometimes it's important to think about the things that really make you happy in life:
Just a little something to brighten your day. :)
Just a little something to brighten your day. :)
Monday, July 5, 2010
Set Your Intentions
What's the difference between an Intention and a Resolution?
I've spent the past month struggling to keep a series of resolutions, per the advice of Gretchen Rubin, but every time I go to yoga, we close our eyes and "set our intentions" for the class, and for our lives. It's so calming, and it feels so centered that I couldn't help but wonder if this was a different path that I should explore. So I've been wondering lately, what's an intention, really? And how does it differ from a resolution?
I felt like I knew the answer intuitively, but when I tried to verbalize it, it didn't make any sense. So I looked it up. My dictionary of choice is always the Oxford English Dictionary, online.
Resolution: 1. Physical conversion, dissolution, separation. Conversion to pus (rare). Death. 2. Breaking up or conversion of a non-material thing. Problem solving, logic, musical dissonance, and math problems. 3. The action or an act of resolving; determination, resolute temper. A fixed or positive intention. Determination, firmness, steadfastness of purpose; possession or resolute and unyielding mind. The elimination or easing of doubt.
Intention: 1. General Senses. The action of directing the mind or attention to something; mental application or effort; attention, intent observation, regard; endeavor. Ultimate purpose; the aim of an action. The way in which anything is to be understood; meaning significance, import.
The definition of "resolution" really hit home. It's a "physical conversion" of the self, a separation of the desirable and undesirable attributes. "Determination." "Firmness." A "resolute and unyielding mind." A resolution is a course of action that rewards the good and weeds out the bad. It's tough and it takes a lot of will power. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I couldn't help wondering, will resolutions really make me happier?
An intention is softer. It's a mindset, as opposed to a concrete action. It focuses on aspirations, the meanings behind why we do what we do. Technically, intentions (unintentionally) come before resolutions-- they're what drive us to make resolutions in the first place-- but we're often not conscious of what our specific intentions are.
For a happiness project meant to fit into the crazy-busy life of a working student who already has stress problems, perhaps intentions will be better than resolutions. Resolutions, as great as they are in certain circumstances, are not always necessary. Perhaps all it takes is a simple mantra: "This is how I want to live my life. This is who I am going to be and how I'm going to act." Whether you set your intention to be more loving; to be more responsible; to be a better friend, sometimes just by telling yourself you're going to be that person, you will be. You don't need a laundry list of actions to check off every day.
I've spent the past month struggling to keep a series of resolutions, per the advice of Gretchen Rubin, but every time I go to yoga, we close our eyes and "set our intentions" for the class, and for our lives. It's so calming, and it feels so centered that I couldn't help but wonder if this was a different path that I should explore. So I've been wondering lately, what's an intention, really? And how does it differ from a resolution?
I felt like I knew the answer intuitively, but when I tried to verbalize it, it didn't make any sense. So I looked it up. My dictionary of choice is always the Oxford English Dictionary, online.
Resolution: 1. Physical conversion, dissolution, separation. Conversion to pus (rare). Death. 2. Breaking up or conversion of a non-material thing. Problem solving, logic, musical dissonance, and math problems. 3. The action or an act of resolving; determination, resolute temper. A fixed or positive intention. Determination, firmness, steadfastness of purpose; possession or resolute and unyielding mind. The elimination or easing of doubt.
Intention: 1. General Senses. The action of directing the mind or attention to something; mental application or effort; attention, intent observation, regard; endeavor. Ultimate purpose; the aim of an action. The way in which anything is to be understood; meaning significance, import.
The definition of "resolution" really hit home. It's a "physical conversion" of the self, a separation of the desirable and undesirable attributes. "Determination." "Firmness." A "resolute and unyielding mind." A resolution is a course of action that rewards the good and weeds out the bad. It's tough and it takes a lot of will power. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I couldn't help wondering, will resolutions really make me happier?
An intention is softer. It's a mindset, as opposed to a concrete action. It focuses on aspirations, the meanings behind why we do what we do. Technically, intentions (unintentionally) come before resolutions-- they're what drive us to make resolutions in the first place-- but we're often not conscious of what our specific intentions are.
For a happiness project meant to fit into the crazy-busy life of a working student who already has stress problems, perhaps intentions will be better than resolutions. Resolutions, as great as they are in certain circumstances, are not always necessary. Perhaps all it takes is a simple mantra: "This is how I want to live my life. This is who I am going to be and how I'm going to act." Whether you set your intention to be more loving; to be more responsible; to be a better friend, sometimes just by telling yourself you're going to be that person, you will be. You don't need a laundry list of actions to check off every day.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Think Positive Thoughts
I've been a little down lately, so I'm going to list 10 positive things that are going on in my life:
1) I will be spending the 4th of July with friends, not alone, like I thought I was going to be. AND, we are going to BIKE to the fireworks! :)
2) Creativity calls for cutting yourself slack. That means I need to stop beating myself up for not writing a ton every day. I am making progress on my project, and I think it's actually good.
3) I love my job.
4) I live in California. And the past two days have been sunny.
5) Today, I invented a new type of yoga. And tomorrow I am going to write it down, and then make a book deal, and then I will be RICH.
6) I've found it in myself to start doing yoga again.
7) I have solved the problem of the water heater. (The neighbor's water heater is RIGHT NEXT to my bedroom wall, meaning that when they wake up at 6 am every morning, I do too. Now, I wake up at 5 am and move to the couch. It's working very well for me, seriously.)
8) I learn something new every day.
9) Tomorrow, I'm going to go see Toy Story 3, with my grandparents. And, they decided to drive up to see me, instead of me driving far away.
10) Tonight, I made a mini-molten-chocolate cake in the microwave. Yay for Trader Joe's!
It's not much, but it's something. If you can come up with 10 good things in your life, things can't be that bad. :)
1) I will be spending the 4th of July with friends, not alone, like I thought I was going to be. AND, we are going to BIKE to the fireworks! :)
2) Creativity calls for cutting yourself slack. That means I need to stop beating myself up for not writing a ton every day. I am making progress on my project, and I think it's actually good.
3) I love my job.
4) I live in California. And the past two days have been sunny.
5) Today, I invented a new type of yoga. And tomorrow I am going to write it down, and then make a book deal, and then I will be RICH.
6) I've found it in myself to start doing yoga again.
7) I have solved the problem of the water heater. (The neighbor's water heater is RIGHT NEXT to my bedroom wall, meaning that when they wake up at 6 am every morning, I do too. Now, I wake up at 5 am and move to the couch. It's working very well for me, seriously.)
8) I learn something new every day.
9) Tomorrow, I'm going to go see Toy Story 3, with my grandparents. And, they decided to drive up to see me, instead of me driving far away.
10) Tonight, I made a mini-molten-chocolate cake in the microwave. Yay for Trader Joe's!
It's not much, but it's something. If you can come up with 10 good things in your life, things can't be that bad. :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Big Decisions: Part 2
A week ago I frantically debated whether or not to lose sleep and money in order to buy the much-anticipated iPhone 4. It was a lengthy debate, and many of you weighed in. In the end, I did not buy the phone. I wanted to spend my money when my boyfriend comes to visit in August. It was probably for the best because the next day, the LA Times wrote that people started lining up at the stores before they even closed Wednesday night... So really, by the time I was even writing about it here, I was too late.
However, there would not be a part 2 to this story if there were not further developments... Developments that have since strengthened my belief in God. I can't decide if that's blasphemous or not.
I mentioned in my previous post that my entire family back in Minnesota ordered iPhones because they (unlike me) were eligible for the early upgrade. It turns out that AT&T, overloaded with the iPhone demand, made one tiny error. They duplicated my mother's order and sent our family ONE EXTRA iPHONE. It arrived on Monday. For those with ethical dilemmas out there, they charged us for the order (so I am not stealing the phone), but they did not charge us the extra $200 it would have cost me to upgrade. So, my parents Fed-Ex-ed it out to California, I plugged it into my computer, then called AT&T to activate it. Now, I have a BRAND NEW iPHONE 4!
Was it a complete waste of money? I. Don't. Think. So. Every time I look at it I think, she's so pretty! (Yes, it's a she). I've downloaded new "Happy" apps on there-- an app to track my sleep patterns (it's incredible), a new Yoga app, a new relaxation meditation app... I'm determined to use this phone to make my life better. I see it as a fantastic opportunity.
The takeaway lesson I've gotten from all of this (whether or not it's a good thing) is that I made the right decision, not buying the phone, saving my sleep, and deciding to do exciting things. But, it all worked out for the best in the end--even better than if I had bought the phone because I saved my money and my sleep. In other words, if you do good, then good things come to you (sometimes in the form of a mysterious clerical error). It's all just part of the wonderful happiness circle of life.
However, there would not be a part 2 to this story if there were not further developments... Developments that have since strengthened my belief in God. I can't decide if that's blasphemous or not.
I mentioned in my previous post that my entire family back in Minnesota ordered iPhones because they (unlike me) were eligible for the early upgrade. It turns out that AT&T, overloaded with the iPhone demand, made one tiny error. They duplicated my mother's order and sent our family ONE EXTRA iPHONE. It arrived on Monday. For those with ethical dilemmas out there, they charged us for the order (so I am not stealing the phone), but they did not charge us the extra $200 it would have cost me to upgrade. So, my parents Fed-Ex-ed it out to California, I plugged it into my computer, then called AT&T to activate it. Now, I have a BRAND NEW iPHONE 4!
Was it a complete waste of money? I. Don't. Think. So. Every time I look at it I think, she's so pretty! (Yes, it's a she). I've downloaded new "Happy" apps on there-- an app to track my sleep patterns (it's incredible), a new Yoga app, a new relaxation meditation app... I'm determined to use this phone to make my life better. I see it as a fantastic opportunity.
The takeaway lesson I've gotten from all of this (whether or not it's a good thing) is that I made the right decision, not buying the phone, saving my sleep, and deciding to do exciting things. But, it all worked out for the best in the end--even better than if I had bought the phone because I saved my money and my sleep. In other words, if you do good, then good things come to you (sometimes in the form of a mysterious clerical error). It's all just part of the wonderful happiness circle of life.
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