I'm Leavin' on a Jet Plane...

So... it's 2:42 am. I've finished cleaning the apartment. I'm totally packed. Prepared to pay a fortune for an oversized bag and a box that I was not expecting to have to bring home (planning ahead is apparently not one of my strengths). Sitting on the couch wondering what comes next.

Deep down, I know I'm tired. I mean, it's 2:42 in the morning. But I can't bring myself to go to bed. If I go to bed, it's over. I wake up in the morning, make a mad dash to the post-office, and then the airport, and then suddenly... back to Philadelphia.

I don't know what it is about me and places.

I took an urban studies research class in high school where we studied "sense of place"--the significance people impart to their surroundings. In other words, why live here instead of there? Where does "local pride" come from? What does local even mean? The premise of the class was that place is a completely abstract concept. Despite the fact that it's concrete-- you can go someplace. There are buildings and streets, and names etc. A place doesn't exist outside of what people make of it.

I feel very strongly about place, particularly about place and happiness. If you don't "fit" in the place where you are (if your sense of self is at odds with your location's sense of place), then it will be very difficult to be happy. Not impossible, I don't think, but difficult.

The trick is to define (or re-define) your location in terms that mesh with your sense of self.

Part of my problem with Philadelphia, I think, is that the city's sense of place doesn't fit my own personality. I like it there. It's a nice place to be. Penn is a good school. But... it always feels like something's missing. It's always a struggle to have to return.


Of course, returning to Philadelphia throws into question this particular endeavor. After all, the California Project was only valid while I remained in California. What now?

I can't abandon my quest for happiness. Especially now that I'm going someplace where I face even more adversity. But, I do need time for evaluation and reflection.

How have I do so far? What needs to change? Where have I failed, and where did I succeed?

Of course, if anyone is out there reading this... Would you start again with me once school starts? A sort of happiness renaissance, if you will?

What do you want to know?