What am I expecting to get out of work this summer? Everyone keeps asking and I keeping telling them I want to learn as much as possible--but is that really it? Deep down, it feels like learning is just a means to an end. I think I want to learn because I want to fit in. I want to know if it's possible for me to fit in in this strange world of witty repartees and star-studded gossip. I know it's only the third week, but that's why I'm so sad when I'm at the studio, even though I like work. I barely understand the jokes--most of the names go completely over my head and I struggle to keep track of people. I'm so shy. I hate shy. I just clam up.
Just as I'm about to scold myself for being me, I try to remember that there's absolutely no way I'm every not going to be myself, and if I want to figure out if this career (i.e. screenwriting) will work in the long run, pretending to be someone else is the absolute worst thing I could ever do.
As for this summer... Part of knowing if I fit in is knowing whether or not I can do this whole "screenwriting" thing. Am I a screenwriter? Or, am I novelist? Or a blogger? Are they mutually exclusive? Well, the only way to know is to find out. I pitched a screenplay idea yesterday--about a nine-year-old girl and her little brother who invent a flying machine. Truthfully, I LOVE the idea. I can see it in my mind's eye and it's great. But when I try to articulate it, it completely sucks. The more I tried to pitch it, the worse it felt in my mouth. It's not my screenplay. A novel, maybe, but not my screenplay. So... Today I decided, I'm back on square one. I came out here deciding to do one of two options: write an animated feature, or a romantic comedy. Since animated features are much more complicated to make than I realized, romantic comedy it is. (Sorry David, if you're reading this).
Now, I just have to find a plot. Or a character. I'll take either one.
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